more ways to achieve low petrol consumption and better mileage!

During these difficult times, we should all be concerned with rising fuel cost and our fuel consumption becomes a serious issue. This and the increasing awareness of the environmental impact our habits have on our home planet.

In the past I've written about easy ways to achieve low petrol consumption and better mileage (click this link to view my article), but for those of you who felt that those methods outlined didn't have the desired level of effectiveness, here is yet another guide on how to save fuel. These additional tips for fuel saving will definitely benefit you and the environment.

1. eat less, go on a diet, get some exercise and lose some weight. I'm super featherlite, which makes me very good for the environment. Because I don't burn much petrol pulling my weight around.

And if you didn’t already know, losing weight is the answer the all the world’s problems. You want better fuel efficiency? You want to help the environment? Want to stop global warming? Want to put an end to terrorism? Lose weight.

2. Don’t give fat people rides in your car. Fat people should walk and lose some weight. if you want to get in my car, you are required to weigh below 60kg. And my baggage limit is 1 person (not including myself - the driver). Because of this restriction, therefore priority is given to hot chicks.

3. Further to the point above, don't waste petrol giving other guys rides, unless you want something from them or you're that other type of guy. guys are independent and resourceful, they'll manage without your help. For girls reading this, just replace the word "guy" with "girl" and the last sentence which says "are independent and resourceful, they'll manage without your help" with "can just call any guy they know to come pick them up". that is only if they fulfil the requirement in the point above. Girls are welcome to use this method (patent pending) to determine their hotness rating by calculating their percentage of successful attempts.

4. Do not use wide, low profile sport tyres because they have better contact with the road which causes more friction. Sure it helps with the cornering and stopping, but the increased friction will make your fuel consumption go up. Instead, use narrow tyres. Like those on a bicycle. and avoid situations that call for stopping fast and hard cornering.

5. Set the clock in your car slower. When your brain thinks that you have plenty more time to make your appointment, you will find yourself driving at a slower, more leisurely speed. Hey, if it works for getting people to rush, it’ll work for getting people to slow down as well.

6. Wash your car often. and remember to wax (the car). you want to keep your car's surface as smooth as possible to ensure low wind resistance. but don' waste water. wash the car with only a bucket of water and nothing more. and use environmentally friendly detergents.

7. Don’t brake to slow down. Braking to slow down is a waste of energy. The car will actually stop on its own (eventually). You can save a lot of petrol by coasting to every stop. For example, when you see a junction or a red light up ahead, just release the accelerator, shift to neutral and let the car coast. If you find that you have overshot your target stop spot it means you have used too way much petrol. If you have come to a stop too early it means you released the accelerator too early, better luck next time. Don’t bother moving closer to the lights because that’s just a waste of fuel. When you have reached the stop spot you can use the brakes to prevent against unwanted movements.

8. Don’t brake and accelerate over speed bumps. Braking before each bump means that the precious energy that was used for moving your vehicle is wasted. After the bump you accelerate to get back up to speed, fighting against inertia. If you refer to an earlier article (link) you will know that speed bumps are (unfortunately) an unavoidable part of my life. However that has given me invaluable experience and opportunities to carry out studies on this problem. I therefore declare myself an expert in this field.

The correct way to go over speed bumps is to keep the car at 15km/h. Going above that causes the ride to be very uncomfortable and going below that doesn’t give the car enough momentum to go over the nastier bumps. So just keep the car at that speed until you have gone over the very LAST bump on that stretch of road. You can ignore any sign posts that imply speed limits of 40 or 50kmh because there’s no way you are going over any speed bumps at that speed.

9. Don't drive your car. take the bus or other forms of public transportation that is available in your area. Malaysian's are excluded because they won't know what public transportation means since it is almost non-existant in most parts of Malaysia. Not driving your car will GUARANTEE that your car's fuel consumption will be VERY low. about as low as the rate of evaporation of the petrol in your tank.

10. Alternative to the point above, you can drive someone else's car and leave your car at home. Technically, that means that the petrol consumption of your car would also be VERY low.


Disclaimer

The author does not intend to offend any fat people and does not imply that anyone who weighs above 60kg is fat. While they are quite certainly effective in reducing fuel consumption, the author is not responsible for any negative side effects from following the guidelines above.

speed bumps are stupid like the people who approve them

a few years ago a lot of bumps suddenly began appearing on the main road that runs through my suburb.
On that short 1.5 kilometer stretch 10 bumps grew. its ridiculous. it feels like i have to brake and slow down every 100 meters.

i got to thinking (yes, i do that sometimes) is making the drive bumpy and uncomfortable the best way to make people drive properly?
well, i thought, the existing road conditions with all the potholes and bad patches are already doing a fine job at that. so why spend money to make it that way?

does anyone wonder why our money is being spent like this?

here's a thought - instead of spending our hard-earned tax money on making our roads bumpy, why not spend it making our bumpy roads smooth? that sounds like a really good idea to me (yeah, sometimes i do get some of those).

is making roads bumpy and uncomfortable the only way to make drivers drive safely?
why, is it because some drivers are too retarded to know that it is dangerous to speed on roads where kids could suddenly dash across the street? or is it because there are parents who would let their kids who don't know how to cross the road out on their own? (i wonder which is actually worse?)

i don't think that the braking and accelerating over all those the bumps everyday is doing my car any good.

it pains me because I actually take pretty good care of my car. I admit I don't wash it as often as I should but it's still a pretty well mantained car.
I feel sadness and pity for my car each time I go down that road.
my brakes are getting worn and my suspension are getting spongy. my new suspension. I just changed them beginning of this year. i tell you, its all that unnecessary wear and tear.

so besides spending our money to make our roads less driveable, we need to spend even more on car maintenance and repairs. that doesn't sound right.
and what about the increased petrol consumption from the constant stopping and accelerating? you know, a lot more petrol is used when accelerating as compared to cruising at constant speed. petrol isn't cheap and it isn't getting cheaper. plus crude oil is a very limited resource.
not only that, the more petrol we burn the more pollution we create. we're talking about greenhouse gasses, people. CO2. noticed the weather's been super hot lately? hotter than it used to be?
and I'll bet those houses that are located so strategically in front of those bumps started getting a whole lot dustier too. lots of brake dust and exhaust soot for the residents to inhale. nothing beats the great feeling of breathing in the cool morning air. except the morning air isn't that cool any more and those school buses and cars are kicking up plenty of dust as they slow down before spewing out nice healthy doses of exhaust as they rev up their engines loudly over those bumps. nice. a great way to start the day. must be good for people with asthma because if it hasn't already killed them, it would've made them stronger.

so... they're extremely inefficient, they're bad for our cars and bad for the environment. I'll even say that they are actually dangerous. Our infamous Malaysian motorcyclists will try to avoid the bumps by veering off the side of the road. That's dangerous for pedestrians. Also, if those motorcyclists were doing their superman thing and hit one of those bumps while dong 100km/h they could get seriously injured - which is not nice, because Mat Rempits are a national heritage.

for those who are asking, "what is this "mat rempit" he speaks of?", an excellent definition of this term can be found here: Mat Rempit - Uncyclopedia

And what if there was a real emergency? What if my house was on fire but the fire trucks could only drive at 15km/h because of those (**profanity removed**) bumps which caused them to arrive in time only to see my house reduced to ashes and rubble?

If we really have to spend money to get some sense into those moron drivers I offer some suggestions: policeman with radar gun. speed camera. strict penalties. actual law enforcement. make them wear electrified collars that would zap them if they exceeded the speed limit. whatever it is, it should be some kind of active enforcement. come on people, we won't get anywhere by being lazy!

I know what some of you are thinking. those bumps are there to save innocent lives from those morons who aren't civil enough to drive safely through housing estates.
ok, if the moron kills himself because of his own irresponsible driving I would call that justice. I'd say the world is safer with one less moron on our roads.
the tragedy is when the moron takes an innocent life. that would be very sad. really. however, out of this tragedy the moron gets a life sentence or his drivers license is banned for life, thus making our world a safer place.

Besides, why should I be paying? My driving is perfectly fine. Its the morons who should pay!

So i guess i won't be getting my lamborghini anytime soon (yeah right!). at least not until those stupid speed bumps are removed.